Phoenix Rising

Six days ago I moved into a new home in a new city. I have been desperate to move from my old home. I was sad to leave it in some ways. There’s been major changes in myself in the sixteen years I spent there. I am happy to have moved. There has been quite a few teething problems. Firstly there was packing up the house within two weeks. Although I have moved properties many times in the past I have never completed the move on my own. The last property is the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere. I did have some much needed help on this move and I’m very grateful for that.

Since moving into my new home the exhaustion has caught up with me. Changing locations has caused some concerns with my income. There are few minor niggles with the property. Nothing major but it’s all the little things that add up to making me feel stressed.

I have been trying to listen to myself and my system. Today has felt like a particularly triggering day which has left me feeling drained and a little fragile. After I difficult telephone conversation late in the afternoon I abandoned the unpacking grabbed my keys and went into town.

I bought myself a takeaway coffee and as I left the coffee shop the bells of the cathedral began to ring out. I headed for the grounds of the cathedral and sat down under a blue sky with white fluffy clouds and breathed out my frustrations with each toll of the bells.

As I sat there the poem below came to me. I’m very taken with the idea that everything is ok and not ok at the same time. That nothing matters and everything matters in the same moment. It’s a fine line to tread especially when I or my system is triggered by events around us. I am not despairing, I am not crashing. I am doing my best to both witness the shadows and the blessings both within me and around me. I love my new flat, and I am hopeful that once I’ve settled in I can begin my writing in earnest.

 

OK, Not OK

What is the problem?

I asked myself

I don’t know

I replied

What are you feeling?

I asked myself

I am tired

I replied

Tiredness is the mask

I informed myself

Exhaustion is the excuse

For not revealing

How you are really feeling

Ok then how am I feeling?

You’re feeling sad

I am feeling sad

But everything is ok

And everything is not ok

All in the same moment.

I told myself.

Phoenix