Phoenix Rising

Happy New Year to everyone.

I thought I’d take the opportunity to reflect on 2023. I wanted to write this last night. Unfortunately, the noise of the fireworks did trigger me quite a lot. So here I am today in a better place. I’ll recognise that achievement first. I acknowledge that I was very triggered last night, but it didn’t disable me completely as it would have done in the past. I held the parts of me who were both angry and upset by the barrage of noise. I nourished my body and looked after myself the best way I could even in the eye of the storm. The blessing in being triggered is witnessing how far I have come in being able to meet my own and my systems needs and the reminder that although there are still things that throw us off course, I am doing much better. The mantra that healing is a journey not a destination has been a powerful tool this year. The knowledge that it’s ok to feel upset, angry and overwhelmed and to sit with those feelings and hold them and explore them rather than stuffing them down inside as something bad to be forced away has really helped me on my journey.

It been a huge year in terms of my personal growth. In June I moved home to a new city. This has brought me so much joy and expanded my horizons. After isolating myself for around 4 years and coping with my mums’ cancer and death in 2022 I finally feel like I am rejoining the world. My new flat is spacious and comfortable with a beautiful view of woodland. I feel like moving home has brought me alive. I moved into my old property in 2008. When I moved there, I was very unwell both mentally and physically. The first year of living in my old property I suffered a heart attack at the age of 32. I was in a very desperate place, and I thought that I would live my last days in my old property, I didn’t expect to make it to this age. So, to be much further down the healing path and thriving not just surviving feels astounding. Since moving here, I have been learning German and started learning to play the piano. I have always wanted to learn to play the piano. My trauma and my lack of confidence in myself made me shut that desire down. Now I’m embracing that desire and loving every minute of it. I practice daily and feel so much joy in my progress. I joined a project to volunteer with a company who gets communities and individuals connected and creative through art. They got funding to run a VR project and deliver VR experiences to the elderly and vulnerable in the community. As no one on the team had any real experience with the technology I signed up as a volunteer to help out. In the last six months we have taken elderly veterans on VR experiences and had positive feedback. It’s been very rewarding to be part of a team and to step into my knowledge and give a good to experience to clients. I am really proud of myself.

I also joined a choir in the summer. It has been a great experience going to rehearsals every week. I have also performed twice at public venues with my choir. Overcoming my nervousness and singing together with my choir has helped me to boost my confidence.

I have really stepped back into my spirituality and embraced things that nourish my soul and help me every day. Stepping into my divinity has been one of the keys to my healing journey.

I feel like I have spread my wings more and more last year. I am looking forward to the year ahead. To new challenges to more growth and hopefully more writing.

This piece is briefer than I expected to write. I hope to write a more in-depth piece on how I got this far in coming weeks. For now, though I wanted to focus on some of the big positives that occurred over the last year.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you can look back at 2023 and see the gifts that led you here to 2024 even when things felt really difficult.

Bright blessings to you all.

Phoenix