Phoenix

Little did I realise the massive negative impact my difficult neighbour was having on my life! It’s been four days since he fully left his property. The shift in energy in my home is incredible. The whole flat feels lighter. It’s like, it’s not just me breathing an immense sense of relief but the bricks and mortar are too!

On Monday with the aid of my support worker I cleaned up my balcony. Other than nipping out to fill the bird feeders I haven’t spent time on my balcony in over a year due to the awful behaviour of my neighbour. Now I have the freedom to sit out there and enjoy the birds and the trees and the night sky.

I am having trouble feeling safe though. It’s going to take quite a while to heal my nervous system. I tell myself and my alters that we are safe, everything is ok. I know I am not helping as much as I could. The truth is I still feel there is a risk from him. He is only living up the road. I don’t know if he still has keys to the property and I know how adept he is at climbing up the balconies.

When he was moving his stuff out over three days he kept repeating the same mantra. She hasn’t won (referring to me) the council haven’t won. I could hear his mum reinforcing his mantra each time. I thought when he turned up last Sunday that he was saying it because he was going to fight his eviction and I was worried that the hammering and drilling was him fortifying his home so the eviction would be harder. Then I realised he was repeating that mantra to try and quell his anger. At one point he started to shout homophobic abuse at me and I could hear him attempting to get onto my balcony to come and assault me. His parents pulled him back and reminded him that he didn’t want to return to prison. On his last visit of the day he spoke to my other neighbour and told her that he was coming back to put my windows in with a catapult!

I realised yesterday how much I am still on alert. I was sitting in the lounge and heard a bang in my music room. I assumed the breeze coming in through the window had knocked something over. An hour later when I eventually went to check I couldn’t find anything that had fallen. My mind immediately then went his parting threat. I began checking all the windows, feeling the panic rising. I eventually realised that due to the heat the glue had melted on my headphone hook and it had fallen behind the piano.

We are safe but the reality is, the threat is still there.

I will work with the fear. For now I’m still pinching myself every morning. He has finally gone after three years of his nightmare behaviour, he has finally gone.

I’m enjoying that amazing shift in energy and look forward to kicking back on my balcony on my antigravity garden chair later ,and breathing in the stillness created my his departure.

Phoenix