Tag: hope
-
Choir energy.
It’s hard work going out in the evening. Choir is worth it though. My choir buddy and I are always the first on site. We set up the room before everyone arrives. We are both very grateful to have a new caretaker in the building. He is so thoughtful, he unfolds the chairs and put…
-
Weekend thoughts.
It’s a new moon tonight. It’s been a reflective day. I feel I am making real progress with my music learning. I have two songs almost fully written, now I need to compose the music for them. That’s the intention I am setting tonight. It would be quiet but fireworks season is upon us. No…
-
Cold comfort.
After the heatwaves of the summer months I’m so grateful for the drop in temperature. My flat finally dropped to 19 degrees last night. At the height of the heatwaves it was reaching 36/37 degrees. I had fans running constantly. I believe the heat contributed to my poor cat’s health condition and ultimately his death.…
-
Peace lines and divisions.
I’m going to stick my head above the parapet with this post. This a vent against violence and dangerous decisions. I grew up in Belfast. My very young years I lived on a council estate in North Belfast. My grandmother lived just down the road. Two streets away from her was a the peace line.…
-
Singing through the blues.
We had a great choir session tonight. Such an incredible energy and just what I needed to ease my anxiety about tomorrow. I’m grateful that I’ll finally be seeing the dermatologist tomorrow. My scalp and forehead is so inflamed. My new lump is angrier and lumpier! I’m eager to get some assistance to get on…
-
Not rested with rest!
So I had my four days of rest. I still don’t feel rested. I haven’t slept well at night. If it’s not my skin condition waking me up, it’s my cat. She has been waking me up throughout the night. It’s seems she is still really unsettled since losing my other cat. She has become…
-
The challenge of breathing.
Hmm breathing can definitely be a challenge. I was diagnosed with Asthma as a baby. Instead of growing out of it, I grew into it. My first admission to intensive care was when I was about 11 as far as I can remember. I spent my first 40 years on this planet in and out…
-
Tension
My skin condition is flaring quite severely at the moment. Only seven days left until my dermatology appointment and it can’t come quick enough. I’m writing this from a candlelit bath. I had been attempting to play piano but couldn’t concentrate on my online lesson due to the burning sensation in my skin. I don’t…
-
Breathe
I have recently been struggling to get up for my support worker arriving at 9am. This morning I was up and ready to go. I had gathered up the instruments that I was taking to my choir buddies home. I was grateful to be going out as the council lawnmowers had arrived at 8.30am and…
-
Up and down.
I’m slowly recovering from whatever l had last week. I made it to choir last night and it was good to catch up with everyone and step into my helper role. I was very excited for a chance to play on the grand piano there. I learned 23 bars of Für Elise a few weeks…
-
Noise!
I complain about noise…a LOT! My PTSD has meant a lifetime of super sensitive hearing. The first memory I have of feeling truly overwhelmed by noise was when I was about five years old. I was outside my grandmothers house on her brightly painted red step. A motorbike with a loud engine came roaring down…
-
Performance performed!
I made it to the Whitstable Oyster Festival and performed with my choir. I managed to get up at 7am. Whilst getting ready I did question my decision several times. As I broke out in a sweat I checked my temperature, it was normal. Feeling the aches in the veins in my legs I wondered…
-
To go or not to go?
I have improved a little more today. After much debate I have made arrangements to attend the performance tomorrow. I know how easy it is to stay in the midst of my symptoms. Although I have felt better today there are several issues in my body that seem to have flared up. I can choose…
-
One tiny step at a time.
I’ve definitely had more brain power today. My temperature has returned to normal as has my heart rate. Unfortunately the sneezing and blocked sinuses remain. I noticed over the past few days that the bridge of my nose is swollen. I struggled to sleep due to congestion last night. I decided it was time to…
-
Resting and planning.
It’s felt like a very long week. I had an unexpected second week of puppy sitting. Overnight on Monday I could feel my symptoms flaring in relation to whatever this autoimmune condition is. My body was screaming at me to slow down. I let my neighbour know that whilst I would still feed and take…
-
Gifts
Both my head and my body often feel like chaos. I have tinnitus and it’s been ongoing for about 5 years. Add to that the near constant chatter from other Alters, their thinking process and my own thinking process, silence is never a thing. Even if the chatter stops the high pitched whine in both…
-
Keep calm and carry on!
Yesterday’s fear after my ex neighbour knocking on the door whilst I was puppy sitting had thrown me. My alters paranoia shot through the roof and conspiracy theories were rife. People had seen taking me Peanut out. What if one of the other neighbours had contacted him? Maybe he thought that I wouldn’t be expecting…
-
Appreciating the day!
I’ll take more days like today! It’s been pretty quiet all day. Pain levels are manageable with no new random pains today. Is this my nervous system settling down? It’s been unusually quiet everywhere around me on the estate today. No screaming kids, very few barking dogs, long periods of silence. I like it! The…
-
Tears of relief
Stillness Silence Bliss Shades of grey in the sky As clouds pass by. Breathe in deep Allow us to weep Stillness Silence Bliss Phoenix.
-
Energy Shift
Little did I realise the massive negative impact my difficult neighbour was having on my life! It’s been four days since he fully left his property. The shift in energy in my home is incredible. The whole flat feels lighter. It’s like, it’s not just me breathing an immense sense of relief but the bricks…
-
Quiet Sunday?
This is the second Sunday in a row where the day hasn’t gone to plan. Last Sunday I had the extreme pain in my calf and couldn’t bear weight on my left leg by the late afternoon. Today I wanted a quiet day of reflection. There is not a lot of quiet time at the…
-
Enigma or miracle?
Every day there are symptoms. Last Friday I went with friends to an open day of a Big Cat Sanctuary. We had booked a couple of months ago. The problem with booking in advance is I never know how unwell I will feel day to day. I was excited about going, but apprehensive due to…
-
The grief of being poor.
It’s been a rough few days. My male cat suffers from feline idiopathic cystitis. Last Friday night I noticed he was beginning to struggle to urinate. He has had around five episodes of this over the past year. Previously he has been to the vet twice and the other times I have managed his condition…
-
Trying to find peace in CATastrophic chaos.
Ah…the universe always has a plan. My plan was a quiet restful weekend. I am awaiting the council enforcement team to arrive on Monday to issue an eviction notice to my difficult neighbour. In earlier correspondence that he received from the housing people he readily assumed that I had “grassed him up”. So now he…
-
Medicinal Music
After a week of anticipation and trying to rehearse choir songs in 35 degrees heat, it may have been cooler trying to rehearse on the surface of Mars, I made it to my choir performance at the Cricket Ground last Sunday. There were 94 other choir members and apparently 6000 spectators. Our largest crowd yet?…
-
Gratitude to Water
The sun is high Hot hot hot. Stuck in traffic, Our journey extended by an hour. Sweating in a full body swimming costume. Am I allergic to the sun? My forehead is already blistering! Torn between going home, Or pressing on. Sunlight is good, Blisters are not! Damn whatever this is, Going on in my…
-
The Future?
When I moved to a new city in June 2023, I believed life was on the up. Here I am two years and four months later crashing over and over like waves to the shore. I had plans. I joined a choir and made friends. I had invested in a piano tutor. I was…
