Phoenix

It’s been a relatively quiet week. It’s felt like a strange emotional rollercoaster.

I notice I’m feeling quite antisocial recently. After performing with choir at a local festival two weeks ago, my choir buddy and I went to a seaside town afterwards. We went down to the cafe by the beach and settled into seats by the live performer. After 5 minutes a woman asked if she could take the spare chair at our table. We said yes and she stood there silently for a moment and then said actually I’ll just sit with you guys. Normally I’d welcome that but I could feel myself bristling. Maybe it’s the wealth of fatigue? Maybe I was feeling overstimulated from the choir performance? It didn’t help that she wanted to converse incessantly. All we wanted to do was enjoy our drinks, the sea view and the live singer. It was hard to hold a conversation as we were sitting next to the speaker. It also didn’t help that she wanted to bang on about some very touchy political issues. In the end I left my choir buddy to talk to her and went over and sat on the wall saying I was just going for a vape.

All week I have been gearing myself up for a party I promised to go to last night. I really wasn’t feeling social but went anyway. I met my choir buddy at the bus station and caught the bus for the 35 minutes journey to the party in the pub. We had drinks on the beach and watched the sunset before heading to the party. My choir buddy has a back problem and I said to her if you need leave early even if it’s five minutes after we get there just let me know. I knew as well as my comment being about her welfare it was also about me feeling antisocial.

The party got pretty packed. There must have around a hundred people. A lot of them were from choir so that made things a little easier. I had planned to have a few ciders but I’ve tried not have much alcohol of late. It makes my upper abdomen feel uncomfortable and I’m noticing that my kidney pain is worse if I drink. I had one pint of cider and then stuck to water. It was actually a good night and I felt a little sad at having leave early to catch the two buses home.

I may have enjoyed the party but I was overjoyed to get home, lock the front door and cuddle up with my cat.

I’ve been relieved to be at home all day. Though several times I’ve found myself bursting into tears. I’ve yet to figure out what that’s all about. The sun is just setting now. Time to have a good listen to the new choir song as choir restarts this week, then curl up and continue reading my new book. I’m reading The Diary of a Lesbian Spinster by Jenna Wimshurst…seems appropriate reading!

Phoenix