Phoenix

After a week of anticipation and trying to rehearse choir songs in 35 degrees heat, it may have been cooler trying to rehearse on the surface of Mars, I made it to my choir performance at the Cricket Ground last Sunday. There were 94 other choir members and apparently 6000 spectators. Our largest crowd yet? I’m definitely debating the 6000 spectators? Thankfully the temperature had gone down to 25/26 degrees. Unfortunately though not cool enough to stop my skin flaring. By Monday morning my face looked like an over ripe tomato and both my arms were swollen and looked like giant sticks of rhubarb. The description is amusing but the pain isn’t. A week later I’m still recovering.

This isn’t just ordinary sunburn. It seems the only way to avoid my skin blistering when I go out is to cover every inch of my body. Even factor 50 sun cream isn’t preventing the blistering.

Never the less music seems to be my current pain relief. I have been enjoying playing a simplified version of Satie’s Gymnopedie No. 1. When I began learning piano a few years ago, my body would stay rigid. All my focus would be on hitting the right key at the right time. As I’ve become more comfortable in knowing which note is where, my body has began to relax. The freedom now of playing and moving is joyous.

I have shared a video of my play through last Monday. I have been trying to focus more on the dynamics of the pieces I am playing. Both my arms were so painful and swollen all day. I struggled with the stretch of an octave as my skin burned and my muscles cramped. So dynamics were difficult on Monday. I just let myself be with musical piece/peace and the movement.

I have watched this video multiple times I see myself smile in places. That’s nice to see as I don’t feel particularly happy. I can no longer remember what it feels like to be pain free both physically and mentally I can’t remember the last time I laughed heartily with abandon.

I keep mulling over the quote, healing is a journey not a destination. Maybe I am destined to live in pain?

I’ll keep playing and singing for as long as I can though.

Phoenix