Phoenix

Yep here I am whinging on about noise…again! There will be a flip side though.

I’ve been living with tinnitus for several years now. I had become used to it. Over the last couple of days the sound has changed in my right ear. It started with a numbness around my right jaw just in front of my ear. Then the droning in my right ear became a thicker high sound. Sort of like the noise my boiler makes and I’ve matched it to C5 on the piano. That’s the c an octave above middle C.

The problem with tinnitus is there’s no blocking it out. So when external noise becomes too overwhelming, ear defenders can just exacerbate the distress. And when I try to block out noise I’m left sitting listening to the whistling in my ears! It’s why I like a quiet environment as I don’t have to be trapped inside my ears with my own internal noise.

I live on a council estate. I’ve lived here just over three years. I love my home. I have a wonderful balcony that overlooks a woodland at the back of a local campsite. I have so many varieties of birds that visit. I get to watch the buzzards circling over the trees during the day. At night there are the sounds of tawny and screech owls. I also love the foxes and squirrels.

Some moments though it is like living through the sounds of hell. There’s a play park just down from my block. The kids seem to scream at the top of their lungs constantly when playing down there. There’s two houses opposite the balcony where the occupants have blazing, violent arguments at all hours of the day and night. There’s a psychiatric unit nearby. Over the last two weeks a female patient is either escaping or choosing the smoke break to scream…and scream and scream some more. Throw in a couple of new born babies in the blocks who are testing how loud they can cry, hammering and drilling in various properties and it can feel like in terms of noise I’ve entered the depths of sound hell.

In contrast there can be moments of absolute silence that brings a deep stillness. I love those moments. I stand in the stillness and breathe in the joy of a quiet environment. I try to store them in my nervous system for when the onslaught of noise returns.

If I was ever to move home, which seems unlikely now, I would never choose to live in a block of flats again. There is just too many people in too close proximity.

For now I’ll breathe through the stressful moments and appreciate the moments of quiet.

Phoenix