Phoenix

It’s felt like a strange day. Like something is in the air but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

I keep having strange ethereal dreams. I seem to spend my nights traversing old buildings. My mum is in a lot of my dreams. Sometimes I’m saying goodbye to her all over again. I’ve tried remembering the details of my dreams but no matter how I try or don’t, I can’t piece them all together when I awaken.

I’m a little less restless during sleeping periods. I’m on month two of the steroid ointment and so am applying it every other day now. It’s making slow improvement. I am still in quite a lot of distress but it isn’t as severe as it was before the dermatologist appointment. I wish the same could be said for my face and scalp.

I had my weekly shop delivered today. I had a fabulous delivery driver. He could see I wasn’t at my best and suggested that he bring the crates into the kitchen for me. I was getting items a few at a time from the crate to the kitchen. I said I was unable to lift the entire crate into the flat myself due to a suspected hernia. Since the days of Covid they no longer enter properties. He told me to put it on my delivery notes, that I have a medical issue and require assistance. He was so kind and reminded me that even if it’s on my delivery note I don’t have to accept assistance if I’m feeling wary. I thought that was very thoughtful of him to express that. He certainly made the task much easier for me today.

About six days ago I noticed a molehill had appeared outside the balconies. Every day there has been a new one. Yesterday I saw a cat having a look at them. It scarpered when it saw me peering over the railing. Today there was another fresh hill. The same cat was crouched in between them, looking like he was just waiting for that mole to poke his nose out. He looked up and saw me but didn’t run away this time. I got on with filling the bird feeders. Afterwards I peered back over the railing and the cat was in the same position staring wide eyed up at me. I started talking to him and giving him the slow blinks. I was very happy that after a while I received slow blinks in return. I returned inside contented, leaving him to his mole adventures.

It was on the balcony I really felt into the strange atmosphere. The sky had a pink hue and there was that strange silence that happens before things in the world kick off. I’ve felt it before and it’s a bit unnerving.

I’ve been playing my singing bowl and my beautiful tongue drum a lot. Trying to shift the energies and bring in peace. May the rhythm radiate to the world.

I’m planning on a bath and early night. Looking forward to heading out to my choir buddies house in the countryside tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll have some quiet headspace to get some studying done.

Phoenix.