Phoenix

Every day there are symptoms.

Last Friday I went with friends to an open day of a Big Cat Sanctuary. We had booked a couple of months ago. The problem with booking in advance is I never know how unwell I will feel day to day. I was excited about going, but apprehensive due to the wealth of symptoms I am experiencing.

It was another hot day. The sanctuary was packed with people. It only opens to visitors ten days a year and so is very popular as there’s a short window of opportunity to go.

I hadn’t slept well the night before. My buddies and I had regular drink breaks and lunch. I made sure I was hydrated enough. By 2pm I was already flagging. So we went slower and had more sit downs and drinks. We left just before 4pm and I was so exhausted.

When I arrived home I felt a twinge in my Achilles heal. I took my trainer off and saw that it was slightly swollen. I already have several painful and expanding varicose veins in my left leg. I moved the footstool and lay upside down on the sofa with my legs up the wall to try and ease the swelling.

I did the same legs up the wall on Saturday. I could start to feel a niggling pain in my left calf just below the back of my knee. The pain got worse overnight. Sunday I was starting to panic. I limped as I ferried all the rubbish down two flights of stairs. I limped worse as I brought in the weekly shopping that was delivered that afternoon. I started to ask on ChatGPT. It said the timeline was right for an Achilles tendon strain and that it was probably now affecting the tendon in my calf. It urged me to phone 111 as it couldn’t rule out a DVT. As I felt certain I wasn’t displaying symptoms of DVT. I placed that action on the bottom of the list. By the time I got into bed I was barely able to deal with the pain of trying to put my foot to the floor.

I got really anxious. I have a high pain threshold and this leg pain was definitely exceeding that threshold. I thought when I have pain anywhere else I just get on with it, but if I can’t put weight on my leg how am I going to manage? I somehow got into the bath but it wasn’t the usual enjoyable experience as I was so worried about being able to get back out. Any extension of my foot up or down or bending of my leg caused severe pain in my calf. So I didn’t stay in the bath long. I managed to get out safely. I lay on the bed breathing deeply and directing healing energy to my leg.

On Monday I was due to go to the hospital with my support worker for blood and urine tests ordered by my recent visit to the rheumatologist. My plan was that if things were no better on Monday I would attend urgent treatment.

As soon as I woke up on Monday morning my attention went immediately to my leg. I gingerly flexed my foot up and down. Ok a little painful but nothing like the day before. I swung my legs out of bed and cautiously stood up. I’m bearing weight and it feels ok. I feed the cat and make the bed and got ready for my support worker arriving at 9am. Each moment I’m observing my leg. How it’s feels when I sit, when I stand, when I walk. I’m amazed that I’m walking. I’m checking in with alters trying to figure out what’s going on?

How can I be barely able to walk one day but be better the next day? Tendon injuries don’t heal overnight? Sure by the time I had returned from the hospital and then had to deal unexpectedly with the broadband engineer for two hours my calf was staring to niggle a bit more. Still nothing like it was on Sunday. Today I helped out at a kids craft session and although I was mindful to sit down a lot there is virtually no pain today.

What is this? How does pain flare so badly and then dissipate. I’ve worked with the alters inside. I can’t see a clear reason for the leg pain? This happens often in so many parts of my body.

Enigma or miracles at work?