Phoenix

It’s been a day. My anxiety was running high for my upcoming Dermatology appointment today.

I went to the GP surgery first as it’s in the same site as the hospital. The receptionist there confirmed it will take at least six months for my records to appear on the NHS app.

I wandered over to the hospital. There is two sets of doors into the main entrance. As I entered the first set of doors I could hear piano music. I wondered if I was hallucinating! As I got into the main entrance I discovered that the hospital has installed an upright piano for public use! Just as well I get everywhere early!

There was an elderly man playing classical pieces. His playing was beautiful. I sat in a chair nearby and enjoyed listening to him.

He finished and lifted his coat and bag from atop the piano. He turned to me and joked that I could take my earplugs out now he’d finished playing. His comment made me sad. As someone who uses self deprecation as a form of humour it hurt my heart. I gently thanked him for playing and told him how beautiful it had been to listen to him. He thanked me and wandered off.

I checked my time and sat down at the piano. I warmed up with some two octave arpeggios. Then I played Für Elise, a simplified version of Gymnopedie No 1 and River Flows in You. The entrance was so busy and noisy. I didn’t care I was lost in the music. It was a nice interlude from my anxiety.

After playing I went to check in at outpatients only to be informed that dermatology is in the old building. It’s such a trek especially when not feeling well.

I was seen more or less on time. The dermatologist was ok. She listened and that’s the most important thing. After a thorough examination she came to the conclusion that I have two separate as skin issues. She diagnosed me with Lichen Sclerosis and informed that there is no cure. She prescribed high dose steroid cream which I have to use every day for eight weeks and then stay on a maintenance dose twice a week.

As for the skin lesions on my head and scalp she said she can’t possibly look at treatment until I have two biopsies of my face. She’s made an urgent referral but warned me that even urgent referrals are taking five months!

My alters are screaming that there’s no way we are having anyone stick needles in our face and then cut away skin. I can see this is going to be a huge hurdle to get my system to agree to this procedure. Oh well we have a five month wait to figure it out and a lot can change in five months.

I jumped on the bus back into town and sat waiting for my prescription for 45 minutes. After that I had no spoons left to go to the music shop (That’s speaks volumes!) so I came home and climbed straight into my pyjamas and curled up with the cat. Trying to unwind from the overwhelm and process what the dermatologist said. It also turns out that my new lump is actually a large boil and while that isn’t great news it’s better than alternatives my brain was coming up with!

Time for a last play on the piano. It’s an early night as I have to be out by 9am for volunteering tomorrow.

Praying the steroid cream will ease the symptoms of the Lichen Sclerosis and I get some relief soon.

Phoenix