Phoenix

I underestimated how overwhelming the eye test was yesterday.

I was kind of happy post examination. There is no sign of glaucoma which my maternal grandfather had. There was no sign of macular degeneration which my mother suffered with. I witnessed her horrendous journey with treatment for the condition. The best news was in regards to my stage one retinopathy which I was diagnosed with in both eyes this time last year.

I seen the look of confusion on the optometrists face as he explained that actually he wasn’t sure about the diagnosis. There was signs but he wasn’t too eager to call it stage one! I had paid for the extra eye checks and photos.

I decided to keep to myself that my body has done strange and miraculous things in terms of physical health and bouncing back. Confounding multiple medical professionals in the past. I guess this is another one to add to the list!

My eye health is really good but my sight has decreased ever so slightly. I knew it had as I’m struggling to read small print even more. I had noticed it’s become more of a challenge to read sheet music. So it’s another hefty expenditure for new glasses. It will be worth it though to reduce the eye strain which has been inducing mild visual disturbances and migraines.

Throughout the rest of yesterday I was out of sorts and clumsy. I trapped the ring finger of my right hand in a drawer then I accidentally punched the kitchen cupboard when trying to reach a plug. The last straw though was when I was decanting a full tin of custard into a storage container because I only wanted a little bit and I tipped the lot across the kitchen counter. That was the thing that brought me to angry tears.

I knew I had to stop and go and sit down. Time to sit with what was going on internally. Alters expressed their distress about the eye exam. The bright lights shone in our eyes, the puffs of to air to measure eye pressure. Being alone in an unfamiliar room with a stranger.

Once I had explained the positives of the eye test and reassured everyone that we are safe and ok my nervous system settled down a bit.

Phew it can be such hard work riding the emotional rollercoaster. Today has been challenging too. The builders arrived at 8am to the empty flat next door. Seven hours later they are still hammering and drilling and playing music loudly. I’ve taken the opportunity to practice my choir songs just as loudly!

I’m looking forward to choir tonight but dreaming of getting back into bed already!

Phoenix