Category: Uncategorized
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Anger
The red mist is a swirling storm Piercing and stinging like a thousand thorns Sometimes it erupts and I’m not aware Just how wild it’s raging from all parts there Every spiritual notion is mocked and jeered Rational reasoning is hated and feared And me well I get tired of the ongoing fight Of trying…
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I Can Breathe
Are you aware of your breath Do you notice the rise and fall As you inhale then exhale For decades I was blinded By the depth of my trauma To the fact that I am not breathing Even medics where blind Treating me from infancy For Asthma For sleep apnea For chest infections They also…
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I am Free I am Love
From Dawn until Dusk I’m no longer a shell or a husk From Dusk until Dawn I’m no longer just their pawn In the light shining my own self Not waiting to be taken from the shelf In the dark I’m sovereign and divine No more waiting for hands that are unkind I am now…
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I was always enough
I wrote this poem this evening as I lay on my sofa contemplating my day. I started this blog to write about my healing journey. I haven’t got as far in my writing as I would have liked but I recognise how difficult last year was for myself and my system. I am also recognising…
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Who Am I
WhoWho am I?I am PhoenixI amWho?PhoenixCan’t I be seen?I am PhoenixI look at my reflectionYet again I’m not sureWho’s that looking back?Uncertain unsureIs that me?I am PhoenixAm I?Who says?MeI sayI am PhoenixTrying to hold onto meWho am I?Shape shiftingI want to be meI am PhoenixPhoenix I wrote this poem, just after I wrote the blog…
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Feeling like an alien?
I am feeling stronger, I am feeling possibly the strongest I have ever felt. Yes, I am still dissociating daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes even minute by minute! There does seem to be more cohesion between myself and many other alters though. I don’t lose time like I have done in the past, unless severely triggered…
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Left Foot Right Foot
Left foot right foot. Heart beating faster. Left foot right foot. My lungs expanding. Left foot right foot. Filled with cold night air. Left foot right foot. The breeze in my hair. Left foot right foot. River runs by my side. Left foot right foot. Running against the tide. Left foot right foot. Don’t slow…
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Space To Grieve
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster over the past few months, but things have settled down for the moment. As I continue on my healing journey feelings ebb and flow constantly. New alters are still coming forward with their experiences and pain. This quite often…
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Rebirth Death Rebirth.
I am a Phoenix My feathers keep me safe A plumage of protection Then memories unfold My feathers fall to the ground Exposing my skin, my soul To the searing heat of pain and truth Sometimes a memory strips all the feathers And I burn in the fire of trauma. Again I have no choice…
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The First Alters
I just want to clarify something before reading this next piece in my journey. This year I changed my name by deed poll to Phoenix. Before that my name was Debbie just to avoid confusion in this piece. I have explained my departure from work and stepping into the world of mental health treatment and…
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A Post By Katie
This post is from one of my younger alters, Katie. Katie has found her passion in photography. There is a combination of 10,498 photos and videos on our phone and the majority have been taken by Katie over the past few years. In March 2020 we developed a severe trauma related eating disorder where we…
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Interlude between Posts
On Thursday I had started to write my next piece for this blog, I had finished it on Friday but I have yet to post it as I wanted to give it some thought and edit it before posting. I took the weekend off, filling my time between finishing Alison Bechdels comic novel Fun Home,…
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River Watching.
I watch the flow of the river. Each dimple in the water like a smile The dimples transform to ripples Like a smile changing to a frown I feel the ebb and flow The water a reflection Of my own cascading emotions The surface looks sure and knowing But unseen is the activity below the…
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Welcome to my Journey
Hi my name is Phoenix. I’m starting this new page to write about my healing journey with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I will be writing about my experiences, my thoughts and my feelings on various topics. I will be discussing my mental health, physical health and the hobbies that help me along the way. Lets begin…
Phoenix 